Long Time No Talk!

I have been incredibly busy since starting my new job two weeks ago.  I am now working in a local hospital on the medical/surgical floor.  It also has an oncology section.  I am working 3 twelve hour shifts a week, two of which are back to back.  It is a killer as far as working for near 24 hrs straight.  I have had some pretty interesting patients so far.  Nothing too serious yet.  I did have my first oncology patient the last shift I worked.  He was just special.  Cancer patients never cease to amaze me.  He was in for his 3rd out of 6 rounds of chemotherapy and his attitude was amazing.  He was so funny--unlike the other patients, he had set up shop in and outside of his room like a little personal office.  He refused to wear a hospital gown and wore business attire.  When I asked him about it he responded that he wasn't going to let cancer or his surroundings change the routine that he has kept over the past 35 years of working.  So there he was, making phone calls and working on his laptop all the while receiving chemotherapy through an IV that was going in through a port under his skin.  He didn't let it stop him, he didn't feel sorry for himself.  His wife was keeping him company, sitting in the corner in a recliner reading the newspaper when I came in to assess him.  I jokingly made a comment that it was hard to listen to his heart, lungs and abdomen with his thick shirt and suit pants (since most patients are wearing a gown making it easy).  His wife, without looking up from her paper said, "oh honey I'm sure he's be happy to take all his clothes off for a pretty girl like you".  LMAO! What great humor and positive attitudes these two had.  I think I'm gonna love this job.

Watch me duke it out over Same Sex Marriage on BabyCenter!

Uh-oh folks.  The gay marriage debate is heating up everywhere.  Teen child stars and political doofuses from coast to coast are yapping their chops talking all kinds of crazy about gay marriage and how it is "wrong" and (excuse me, I have to bust out LOLing) an "abomination".  Yeah yeah the bible says it, blah blah blah.  The bible also sanctions slavery.  Why are so many people not willing to question what we are "taught"?  How is it that so many people just take what is fed to them and assume it is the only truth?  I find it so baffling that in this day and age people are still trying to push their beliefs onto others. 

In learning about codependency and reading "Codependent No More", by Melodie Beattie, I have learned that we cannot control others, and in trying to do so, we end up being the ones who are controlled.  I bring this point of view to the gay marriage debate.  Why are people so concerned about how others are living their personal lives? I am quite sure that 99% of these judgemental people have their own issues to tend to. That being said, I do believe everyone is entitled to their opinion. And I'm entitled to mine. I am not trying to force gay marriage down anyone's throat just as I don't want anyone trying to shove straight marriage down mine.  But not granting loving humans equal rights is an action, not an opinion. 

For more debaucheries and debate see my BabyCenter posts here! I present in comments #24, #29, and #40.

Cheers!

Talk to Us Tuesday: Let's Talk About Why you Aren't Doing What you REALLY Love

People hate their jobs. I believe the statistic is that approximately 80% of people are dissatisfied with their current career.  Considering we spend 40+ hours a week working, that's lot of unhappy people spending a lot of time at a place they hate!  I hear it all over, things like, "I wish I could work for X company, or "I'm only here for the money".  The other day, I overheard a woman saying to her friend, "my dream is to become a florist--if it weren't for the money I would love to open my own flower shop!"  Upon hearing that I frowned feeling sad for her.  She was a women in her 50s I would guess.  Many years left in her I'm sure--but what was she waiting for? I wondered.  Why are so many people complacent having a not so desirable job?  Money? Comfort?  Friendly associates? The point is we all have a dream in life, but I wonder how many people actually go for it and attain it? How many chase it until their dying day, having never achieved what they longed for? 

Every job I have ever had has been a rung on the ladder to where I really want to be.  I have never been able to see myself in a job for more than a year or two before getting bored and moving up.  I am a constant learner.  If I am not learning, I am B-O-R-E-D.  While some people see comfort in routine, I find it grueling.  I have to have a job where I see/learn something new (almost) every day.  This is why I chose nursing.  I am constantly learning, it never ends.  It keeps me stimulated and challenged.  I love it.

What do you want to be doing with your life?  Ask yourself why aren't you doing it? Is it lack of money? Lack of support from your friends and family? Are you afraid you aren't smart enough, good enough, creative enough?  Ask yourself these questions.  If you aren't doing what you really have a passion for, how can you make it happen?  Life is super short, folks.  Live it by living your dreams!

Gettin' Over Hump Day with the Wednesday Hodgepodge!

1. The Hodgepodge falls on the last day of the month this year, a leap year. How will you spend that extra day?

Since today only exists every 4 years, I think it should be a day to do whatever you want.  Can we get the President to back us up on that one?  So, if I truly could do whatever I want I would sleep for 24 delightful hours.

2. What has recently required a leap of faith on your part?

Ahh, easy.  Now is as good of a time to break this news as ever.  I recently let my husband move back into our home.  After being separated for 4 months and living apart, I had to take a leap of faith in him, and Him. 

3. We're one week into the season of Lent...are you marking these forty days in some way? Giving something up or adding something extra to normal life? How's it going so far?

I don't usually give anything up for Lent.  Maybe I'll try that next year...

4. When was the last time you sat beside a fire?

Ohh it's been way too long.  I love me a good fire!  I'm gonna have to say it was last time I went camping which would be about 3 years ago :-(

5. Surf and turf is on the menu. Do you order as is or do you ask for just the surf (lobster), just the turf (steak) or a menu so you can select another option?

Surf and turf, with the turf medium rare, please.

6. If you could have any television show back, not in reruns but in new episodes, what program would you choose?

Simple! Sex and the City.  Or Six Feet Under.

7. They say an elephant never forgets. These days would you say your memory is more like an elephant or a gnat?

Oh dear Lord, please give me my mind back!  As the saying goes: "out of all the things I have lost I miss my mind the most".

 

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I wish my life wasn't always so chaotic and crazy.  Just sayin'.

Monogamy: the Ultimate Form of Love or a Restraint on Your Freedom?

A friend and I were talking yesterday about monogamy and open relationships.  We were able to cut the conversation short when we both realized that we had very different viewpoints on the subject.  But, as she always does, she left me thinking.  Essentially, my opinion was that if you do not naturally want to be monogamous to your significant other, then you are not with the right person.  Her side was that no one person can fulfill all the needs of another.  I did agree with this point, however, I consider that statement to be limited to things other than intimacy such as friendships and other forms of platonic relationships.  Interestingly, I have actually been on both sides of  this debate.  In my first marriage, an open relationship may have been the perfect solution for what I was lacking from my husband.  Now, in my second marriage, I am a much firmer believer in monogamy...I think...

 At one point in time, not too long ago, three-quarters of all human societies were polygamous.  Countries such as Africa, Asia, the Middle East still practice polygamy.  And what about polyamory?   According to Wikipedia, the definition of polyamory is : "the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."  So essentially, both polygamy and polyamory involve having more than one lover, assuming by consent.  I am of the general belief that if everyone involved agrees, and nobody is getting hurt, then anything goes.  I am not here to judge. However, I do wonder, then what is the point of being in an exclusive relationship? If one wants several lovers, why not just be single?  I believe that love knows no color, race, sex, gender, or even age (as long as it's legal age, of course!).  But I also believe that intimate love should stay between two people.  After all, isn't that what makes it so special?  I believe that we can have strong feelings for and love others while being  in a committed relationship. But to share the depth, sensuality and intense closeness that two people share while making love is what sets that relationship apart from all others. I said in the previous paragraph that I have been on both sides of this debate, let's examine my two marriages:

In my first marriage, I received trust, stability, reliability and solidity from my husband.  I did not receive much intimacy-- sexual or otherwise.  He was quite closed off and  even prudish by my standards.  I, however, have always been a very sexual being.  I love sex, I love intimacy, and when deprived of it, I came to find that I was left looking for it elsewhere.  After four years of a marriage without intimacy, I decided that it was something that I could not live without.  At that point, I didn't want to leave my husband.  My needs for sex and intimacy seemed like a selfish reason to leave.  We had two young children together and he was a wonderful father and provider.  He was also my best friend.  But as the years passed there was no denying that I felt like more and more of a sister to him than a wife.  Over the course of those years with my first husband, I had toyed several times about the idea of having an open relationship.  We would remain together as husband and wife, the kids wouldn't be disturbed by divorce, and we would maintain our relationship but would be free to seek intimacy outside the marriage.  At the time, that seemed like the perfect solution for me.  For him, not so much.  I brought it up a few times, mostly in a joking fashion to test the waters, and he would immediately shut even the thought of the idea down.  He saw it as cheating.  And really, when I think about it, he wasn't the one missing or seeking intimacy so it would have been of no benefit to him.  One thing is for sure: if an open relationship it to be established, both people in the relationship need to benefit from it. 

I eventually left my first husband in search of "true love".  Intimate love, sexual love, deep, passionate connecting love.  I am happy to say that it didn't take me too long to find it, although he didn't come with all the bells and whistles that my first husband came with (read about my two marriages here for more).  With my second husband, monogamy came naturally.  I never had the desire to stray or even think about straying because I was 100% satisfied with the level and quality of intimacy.  This was the complete opposite of how I felt with my first husband.  It's funny because before I met hubby #2, I was convinced that serial monogamy was impossible for me.  It simply just wasn't for me and I was dead set on that.  But I also had never found an intimate, satisfying  love with anyone before.  Now that I had it, the thought of being monogamous wasn't even an issue, it was a given.  Luckily, hubby #2 felt the same way.  Monogamy worked for us. 

Now I have a new found opinion of the sanctity of monogamy.  And my question remains: is monogamy something that is not for everyone, or is it a state that can only be achieved through being with the right person?  If two people committed to being with each other want more, are they wanting more because they aren't truly right for each other?  Is an having an open relationship settling for less?  If you could choose to have a monogamous relationship that was completely fulfilling and satisfying to the point of not wanting anybody else, or a relationship that allowed you to stray, allowed you that freedom, which would you pick?  Should monogamy be the holy grail of committed relationships; something to be coveted and to strive for, or does it go against human nature?

I would absolutely love to get a conversation going here! I welcome comments from all walks of life, as I am very eager to hear your opinions on this topic.  So please share!  How do you feel about monogamy?

Joining in the Wednesday Hodgepodge!

1. February 22nd is National Be Humble Day...what makes you proud? What keeps you humble?

• My three children most definitely make me prouder than anything. They are so intelligent.
• They also keep me humble, two of them can beat me at Words With Friends!

2. Where is the catch-all (aka dumping ground) in your house?

• Ha! There is this little space between the staircase that leads upstairs, and the staircase that leads to the basement.  All things undealt with end up there.  I chuckle because when we bought the house 10 years ago, the previous owner recommended we put a large plant there otherwise "it will become a dumping ground".  Never got a plant, now it's a dumping ground. 

3. Do you make it a point to visit State/National Parks when you travel or even in your own hometown? What's your favorite?

• Oy, not a good answer for this one.  Never, and even when I had the opportunity to visit one, I turned it down. I gotta work on that...

4. How would you define honor?

• Honor is having integrity, respect for yourself and others, and trying to live the best life that you can.

5. Angel's food or Devil's food-which cake do you prefer?

• Half and half ;-) 

6. What's the most recent road trip you've taken? Where did you go and how many hours did you spend in the car? Do you like to zoom to your destination without stopping or leisurely wind your way there with stops along the way? What is your car snack of choice?

• Woah! A four parter!  I'll be brief: Nebraska. My grandfather's funeral.  8 hours. We drove straight though at nighttime.  Coffee.

7. Recent headlines told how a preschool child in NC had their packed lunch from home taken away and a school lunch substituted by a school inspector who deemed the homemade lunch unhealthy. Reportedly the parent was then billed for the school lunch (chicken nugget meal) although an update to the story says the parent was not billed. The inspector was conducting a routine inspection of the classroom-he/she was not there solely to peek in the lunchboxes.

The packed lunch contained a turkey and cheese sandwich, an apple juice box, a bag of chips, and a banana. You can read the story here. Your thoughts?

• Oh man I would be pissed if that happened to my child!! I don't even know where to start with all the wrongdoing here.  First of all, a chicken nugget meal is healthier than a turkey and cheese sandwich?? Who says?  I think not.  Sounds like the school needed more profit from their lunch program.  Conspiracy I tell you!

8. Insert your own random thought here.

• Life is like a box of chocolates: just give me the one with the diagram and it's all good :-) 

Life is a Purple Water Lilly

The Purple Water Lilly, I read, is the most delicate flower in the world. I read a blog yesterday that really made me realize how delicate and fragile our lives are.   In fact, it touched me so deeply that I became physically ill with empathy and anxiety for this courageous woman and what she is going through.  I am a very compassionate person, and I can actually feel other people's pain.  It is a blessing and a curse.  This blog was a blessing to come across.  It reminded me how fragile life is and how God only gives us what we can handle.  The blog, I will warn you, is very upsetting, especially if you have children.  It is not for those who are squeamish.  It is, however, one of the most beautiful stories of a mother and the love and dedication she has for her ill child. Courtney's writing is beautiful and so is she.  She was given an angel and learned so much from him. 
It is also an important reminder that we cannot take for granted what God has given us.  No matter how bad of a day we had at work, or how much debt we are in, or how our kids really get under our skin sometimes,  we cannot forget how lucky we are.  Somebody always has it worse than us.  Somebody has less people who love and care about them, less money, less luck, less health.  We need to appreciate what we have now and stop obsessing over the "if only I hads..." Enjoy each moment we have with those we love. With our children who will grow up before our eyes.  Enjoy your spouse, or partner, or your best friend.  Listen to their laughter and let it fill your soul.  Look into their eyes and open your ears to their words.  Give them a big hug and let their smells and touches encircle you.  Soak in every minute of every day, because it could be the last.